Life as I knew it from here on in was going to be made up of a series of letting go. Letting go of what has been, what will be and first and foremost what should be. It’s a big birthday for me this year. I will celebrate with heart and soul. I am unsure where life is leading me to these days. I have made a promise to myself to stop wondering and just start living. This last year taught me so much. More than I could have ever imagined. I know what I want now. I know what needs to be done in order to keep moving forward. I know what I have to do to keep the everlasting flow of nothing but manifesting abundance going forward. I’ve got the world in my hands right now. My world. The one I have created for myself. One in which has no room for a new relationship. It ends with me. The relationship I have built with myself and the one that matters most in this lifetime that I am here to live. My kids are grown. I have given them the ability to create a life of their own with stride and confidence. It will forever be my biggest accomplishment knowing that. I know they are thankful for it as well.

I decided to spend the day on the beach. I packed lunch and took my laptop and a book. I needed to wind down with my feet in the sand and nothing but the sounds of the ocean. I always get lost in the midst of the salty breeze and the crashing sound of the waves. Today, I needed to just get lost in the air. Obviously, I had a lot to think about. Relationships are hard. I cannot imagine them being any easier in this stage of life; or would it be? I guess it will remain in the back of my mind. Not knowing what could have been. What should have been? I can’t think that way. My life was made up of loss, grief, endings, new beginnings, starting over….and; What now? There’s this deep whole within my soul that I cannot quite explain. That night of passion we shared was inevitable. Thinking back at every encounter in my life. Life was made up of a series of total unknowns. Today, I am letting go of nothing and yet everything. Everything that was and everything that is. It’s time to turn a new page, re-write a new story and just go with the ebbs and flow of life.

The sun was starting to set. The beach was clearing out and the smell of BBQ was filtering the air. I was starting to get hungry. The last thing I wanted to do was start cooking right now. I figured I’d go home, take a shower and either order in or head into town to grab a bite to eat. That was the funny thing about life now. I only had to worry about myself. It’s been a long time since I had anyone depending on me. It was still sort of strange, yah know. No other way to describe it. Just strange. I did just that. I packed up my things and started heading home. Along the way I saw lots of couples with their small children packing up and heading home for dinner and bath time, knowing that life really was beautiful in every stage of it. Nostalgia hit. I stopped and wondered how time really does go by so fast. I was once that tired Mama trying her best to give her children the best days of their lives. Tired and exhausted, knowing that I did my best and in their eyes it was always good enough. Tonight I’ll be wondering and thinking of the days where my life was filled with love, joy and happiness knowing that those moments are the ones I cherish the most and I still have a lifetime of new found memories to be made in the next chapter of what will be…

Until next time…

Love & Light, Always!

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