I set the bouquet of roses on the table and just sat here staring at his note. His handwriting was still the same.  It brought me back to all the letters written in the past folded up into little triangles. The way he held me that night and caressed every inch of my body was still all the same. I get the chills every time I think of him. That must mean something, right? I don’t know….in one moment it seems like a perfect idea and in the next moment it feels like it may be the biggest mistake of my life. Especially now with all that is going on in my life, I am not sure I have room for what may end of being complete chaos. People change along the way. I wonder what he meant by fair chance. We were young back then. Too young to understand, I guess. Too young to figure things out and way too young to understand that life is extremely complicated. Has all that changed? I know nothing about him anymore as he knows nothing about I. My life has compiled up and become whole during this turning point in time. Do I have room in my life to shake things up a bit? I am no longer the impulsive teenage mess I once was. I have learned and certainly have grown through all of my trials and tribulations of lust filled relationships from my earlier days. I feel like my whole life has been spun into one huge De Ja Vu of my past. Same life, different man. I made a promise to myself that the last was it. He gave me the most beautiful 25 years of my life. Because of him I am here living my dreams. The only thing missing is him. I would have done anything to have been living the dream with him by my side.

Weeks have past. The flowers have withered into dead pulp just like the idea of welcoming a man into my life at this moment in time. It was a one night love affair not meant to last beyond that. If he were to show up at my door right now I do wonder what my heart would lead me to. For now, I am where I need to be. I am where I want to be, alone and free to allow my heart to roam where I am led. Allowing myself to go with the flow and see how life unwinds for me from this moment on. The beauty of it all is that I do not need to answer to anyone anymore. My children have their own lives. It is my time to move on without attaching my heart to another.

The sun was shining, the waves were crashing. I sat on the beach watching the seagulls do their happy dance in the wind as the strong scent of the ocean breeze awakened my senses. Tourists started to come visit the island, many settle in for the season. Some have children, some do not. I was expecting my children and grands more this summer being that they were all getting older and made travel easier. I made sure the guest bedrooms were all set for their arrival. God, I sometimes miss those days most. The days when they were all little.  The nostalgia of it all gets me every time! I felt a few tears start to fall followed by a smile knowing that I am truly grateful for everything coming my way and I am exactly where I am suppose to be…

Until next time…

Love & Light, Always!

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