I felt my jaw clench as I swallowed so deeply to try to get past the tightness in my neck. I felt as if my skin was going to bubble over and my stomach was now as hard as a rock. My knees were weak and the aching in my heart was at it’s peak. Should I get closer. I inched over closer to him as he just laid there unconscious. It was him, it was really him. I just stood there and stared. I asked myself again and again, “Why did I come here”? Where was my little voice when I needed her most? The one that went against what my heart wanted. The voice of reason. I am here now and there’s no going backwards, although I thought about leaving. How would he even know I was here, he wouldn’t. I left.

As I was leaving the doorway the nurse was coming in to do her rounds to check on him. I gave her a faint smile and walked out. “Miss, MISS, She yelled”! I tuned around. She asked me who I was and how I knew him. “I am an old friend, I replied”. She told me he had no one. They have been trying to find family members or anyone who knew him for days. They searched his name from the information on his drivers license and they concluded he lived in Florida, but that was it. They called all the hospitals near his town to find out if anyone was looking for him and they received nothing. There was the tightness in my neck again and the aching in me heart. There was no one to be there for him. No one to call if and when he does wake up and no one for him to see when he did. I guess all my questions were just answered. No wife, no kids. It was just him and his lonely soul searching for me, the love of his life. As he was always mine too. He came looking for me for a reason.  After all, we did have a pact way back when. Way back when we’d sit under the stars and plan our future. A future that neither one of us was ready for then. What we didn’t plan was if we wound up not being together. It was never a thought or even a question in our minds. It was us against the world, always. A world in which we knew nothing of. Young and so deeply in love.

I proceeded to walk through the halls and couldn’t get the ache out of my heart. It was a pounding in my chest that I knew greatly of these days. I kept thinking about him laying there in that hospital bed and having no one to wake up to. No one who loved him and cared for him as I remember so deeply he was so capable of doing for another. He always had the kindest soul and loved like I have never been loved before. I never felt loved like that again after we departed. I thought about him always. I always wondered what it would have been like if our worlds didn’t have a different plan for us. And now our worlds have collided again in a way that I was now not prepared for.

I got to the car and called my neighbor to check on the children. She said everything was fine and they were comfortable on the couch watching a movie and about to doze off. I gave her the run down on everything. She remained silent for a moment. I’m guessing it was to give me a chance to proceed with what I was going to do. I remained silent. I had no idea what I was going to do. “I’m leaving the hospital now, I’ll be home in about forty-five minutes”. She reminded me to stop at the grocery store, I agreed.

On the drive back I couldn’t stop thinking. My mind was telling me one thing and my heart another. My Momma always told me to follow my heart. My heart never steered me wrong. My Momma was witty in her ways. She was always easy going and taught us to just listen in and go with that. I really should call her and see what she says. I still have not told anyone about this. I guess it was time. It was late but I knew she’d still be up. She’s a bit of a night owl. She answered the phone right away. “It’s late, are you okay? Are the kids okay”? Yes, Momma, everything is okay. I proceeded to tell her about everything. She talked me out of a tail spin and couldn’t believe this was even happening. She remembers him very well from back in the day and always thought we’d end up together. My parents were both shocked when we went our separate ways. “So, what are you going to do she asked”? As I was about to reply she cut me off and said, “Follow your heart, it will never guide you the wrong way”.

Until next time…

Love & Light, Always!

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