I never brought it up again. I felt that was the best way to handle this. For now at least. If I ever felt the time was right to reach out to him then so be it. Right now we had a new school year to start. I decided there was absolutely no room in my life for a man and I wasn’t about to turn my children’s world upside down, especially if it didn’t work out. What if he had baggage that I didn’t know about. What if he was going through a nasty divorce or had children of his own. Would any of this be that bad. Really? Why am I even going that deep into a story I know nothing about. The thoughts need to just stop. Although I couldn’t get the words in his letter out of my mind and it was driving me wild I kept all of that to myself. I never elaborated to my mom or sisters. They asked and I brushed it off. And, there will always be that thought, “What if it does work out”?

Our harvest was getting low and I needed to run into town to the grocery store to grab some essentials. I didn’t want to have to worry during the week being that school was starting tomorrow. Summer vacation went too fast. It always does. This will definitely be a different transition for us being the children aren’t ending summer and going to public school anymore. We will still be somewhat relaxed through the process of getting back into a routine. That is my main focus here for everyone, a relaxing life. A worry-free, relaxing and stress-free life. It’s all I ever wanted. The stress that is built up from worrying is just never worth it. I had such a hard time for many years trying to conform to the societal rules that have been put into place over time. They seemed important to everyone around me, which is why I needed to get out.  I didn’t want any of that for my children. I will never regret the decision I made to move them.

Normally they would want to go stay with the neighbor while I go into town to get some groceries, this time I made them come with me. I like when they see what it’s like to shop and use money to buy things. It’s an important life lesson for them, plus I needed their help. Everyone got into the truck and we were on our way. We saw a terrible accident up ahead. The street was covered with first responders. I heard from the back, “Isn’t that the same car that we saw in our driveway that day, I see the Florida license plate, Momma”. My face turned beat red, I felt it. My skin was on fire. I could only imagine the look on my face in that moment. Could it have been him? My heart immediately sank into my chest and my stomach was now a brick. I felt my throat choke up and my hands started shaking uncontrollably. The children felt my expressions and I knew that they had to be wondering what in the world was going on here. I turned around and we went back home. The street was closed off and I couldn’t get through. There was one way in and one way out of town and today was not the day to go. We pulled up to the driveway and they had many questions. I answered them very short and told them we would go into town one day after our lessons were over. I had plenty of ingredients to whip some meals up. Now, to go on with my day as if nothing happened. As if what we all just saw was a complete illusion. An illusion that was very much real and I knew exactly where this was heading.

The following morning I immediately went onto Facebook to check the group pages to see what had happened. There were pictures of the accident and it was definitely the same car that was in our driveway that day and the same car that was by the lake. It was him. I now had chills running through my body and just as I was about to think the worst Vishnu showed up. He gave me the same sign he always does to let me know that things will be okay. The divine is at work. I just needed to sit back and let things be. Then that voice appeared giving me the validation I needed. I quietly looked up and said, “Thank you”. I am unsure what to do now. My heart says find him. There’s one hospital right outside town about thirty minutes away. I know his name and date of birth. I’ll tell them I am family. After all, he once was my family. He was my everything.

I planned on going in the evening hours. Less people. I also didn’t want to make the first day of school unorganized by not following our lesson plan. We were also meeting everyone at the farm to help harvest the local farmers crops as part of today’s lesson. We were really looking forward to it. I figured I’ll just ask our lovely neighbor to watch the kids and she always loves having them in the evening hours, she loves to cook for them. After dinner they always bake a little something too. “Grandma style”. The kids knew I was going into town to do some grocery shopping anyway. It worked out perfect.

I bathed them and got them into pajamas before I walked them over. I figured it would be easier for everyone that way. They were really excited to go. I told her where I was going without giving her too many details. I didn’t want to keep her out of the loop. I also figured I would need some advice from an older, wiser woman who knew life wasn’t always supposed to be perfectly planned. There aren’t many people who really get that. I promised her I’d fill her in on the rest at another time. She smiled and gave me “the wink”. The children were happily settled in and I was on my way. I pulled out of the driveway and saw Vishnu sitting on our front porch as I drove by. Those chills, they were electrifying.

Until next time…

Love & Light, Always!

Please follow and like: