Weeks have gone by and I haven’t seen him at all. I now have to wonder at this point if he had given up. Maybe he did see me that day and kept quiet when he saw that I was with the kids. Maybe he got freaked out about them and realized it wasn’t the life that he wanted.  I highly respect his decision if that is what he did. Although my heart was telling me to just jump into his arms that day and never look back again. I knew it was for the best that I didn’t. What lead me to turn away? Was it fear? Or maybe the fact that I wasn’t ready to face what I knew would come about. Complete and utter chaos. My life is simple at the moment and there’s no room for chaos.

Summer was quickly coming to an end and school was starting for us in just a few days and I needed to focus on getting them ready. I needed to focus on getting myself back into the groove as well. Although we are home schooling I still like to keep them on a somewhat structured basis. The curriculum this year was way beyond what I am used to and I knew it was definitely going to be harder for me to teach. I have a great support group helping me through which I am very grateful for. We are meeting tomorrow afternoon to plan out the next few months of field trips we are planning to go to. We are going to have brunch here and I’m making some fresh breads and casseroles. They were bringing the kids too so they can all play while the Mommas chat and plan. I’m going to try really hard to keep “Mr. Wonderful” a secret. I don’t want to make a big deal out of this. I just can’t stop thinking of him. I’m not sure I’m ready for anyone’s opinion about it though.

I had to get to the grocery store to shop for the weekend.  Memorial Day weekend is a pretty big deal in this town and I invited my family to join us. They had a great time at our last cookout by the lake. The kids had a great time too! I’m in charge of a macaroni salad and all the fixings for S’mores. They were all planning to stay for the night so I had lots to do! Our cottage is small but cozy and I know they look forward to coming and staying with us. The kids were discussing sleeping outside in tents the last time they were here and I promised we would try to make it happen.  I’m not sure how that will work out but I told them we can certainly try. I know they will be well protected with Vishnu on the prowl. He has become our watch coyote, our protector. He gives us many, many signs. He has been watching over us since we moved here.

The kids wanted to go play next door while I went shopping. I know our neighbor doesn’t mind at all. She misses having little ones around and her grandkids live pretty far away. She always tells me how we have been such a blessing to her since we moved here. She spoils the kids with ice pops and homemade goodies. They love going there. I miss having my Momma and mother- in law around close by so this was a win-win! During the school year she shows us some old school ways in teaching the children math skills. She’s also a natural artist and it’s great having her nearby for some suggestions on art projects. She is also wonderful to talk to and she’s always there for me on my bad days, whether she realizes it or not. We have built a really amazing relationship.

I took them over to my neighbor’s house and walked over to my car. As I was walking over I saw a letter on the window. It read…

My Love…

It’s been many, many years and I took one glimpse at you at the lake and it seemed like just yesterday you were wrapped into my arms. It took everything in me not to run to you and just pull you in and kiss you deeply. I felt your soul connected with mine in that moment. It wasn’t a good time at the lake to approach you, I saw you were with your children. I’m assuming those were your children. Your daughter looks just like you. I’m sure you are wondering how I found you. I heard you were widowed. I am so sorry. All I can say is I remember our conversations back in the day and I knew life would take you to a small town where you would be able to live out your dreams, we both had the same vision. The only vision that had changed for me is that you were not a part of my life. I’m unsure if you feel the same but I have to say this to you now.  I spent years wondering why, where and how things went so wrong for us. I guess it wasn’t our time to be together. I have never stopped thinking of you. 

Yours Truly, Always and Forever. 

He left his phone number. The racing thoughts, the pattering in my chest and the tightness in my throat. Here we go again. Here we go again…

Until next time,

Love & Light, Always!

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