Days have gone by and I was trying to process everything in my life right now. We exchanged numbers and made plans to meet. I sit here holding the box that was handed to me just days ago and I am still wondering why It has been so many years of us being together and there was never anything mentioned about him having a daughter. All the years that have gone by, I don’t get it. There has to be a reason. There’s a feeling deep down in the pit of my gut that is telling me this isn’t going to be something I am going to understand. Our children had a sister that they never knew about. It makes me wonder if he even knew. How could he not have known. He told me he never had children. There’s so much to talk about. I have so many questions. It was just all too much at once, so we decided to get together and talk about everything another day. I told her I’d meet her somewhere local and we can catch up over coffee and brunch on Sunday.

We met at a local coffee shop. Nothing more than just a nice local cafe owned by one of the locals in my neighborhood. The cafe was decorated in a very spiritual way. There were Beautiful healing crystals all over and the setting was just magical. It was the perfect setting where love and the mystics of the world were truly at play. Everyone was nice and very welcoming. I arrived first and I looked up as she walked through the door and I was able to tell that she was the type to stand out. How adorable, she said, as she sat down across from me. I knew she was referring to the cafe. She is simply gorgeous. I can tell by the way she was dressed and the way she carried herself that she was all business and not much play. She wore all named brand things and I can tell she was literally dressed like a million bucks, they were definitely not knock-offs. From what I know about her parents they were the complete opposite. I cannot get over how much she resembles her father. The way she carries herself and all. I couldn’t help but stare at her and I apologized and told her I couldn’t believe how much she reminded me of her father. She admitted that she had gotten that a lot. We both shared a faint smile. I know she must be wondering why I don’t know about her. She went on with saying how she looks nothing like her mother. We started getting chatty right away, which was a very comforting feeling. I feel like I have known her for a long time. I don’t know what is was in this moment or where it was coming from. I liked that she was a complete open book, just like myself. She lives in New York and is the CEO of a big corporation. She has made a huge success out of her life and never married. She was very proud of that. She went on to tell me that she just never had the time to marry and it was never really one of her goals in life. She dates, but nothing more than that. She’s about thirty-five years old. She lives in a penthouse in NYC. I was able to picture her life and her lifestyle right away. I knew she had experienced life in the suburbs growing up from what I know about her father’s life before we were together. I can tell that our relationship will grow. We hit it off right away and I’m happy about that. I didn’t know how I’d feel. I feel a sense of calmness knowing that I still have a connection to her father. I just don’t understand why the relationship was so estranged and I never knew about her. It really goes to show you that people do not reveal everything about their life and even he had is secrets, but why. I so badly want to get into it. I was afraid to ask and had the feeling that today was not going to be the day where I would ask. I’ll leave that for the near future.

I did ask her about the box. When her mother passed away she was going through her things and she said she had found the box. There was also a note inside. She asked me if I went through the box. I told her yes, and just smiled. I’m still amazed that after all of the years that had gone by that the box was still around. I figured it would have been destroyed being that it held all of the letters and poems that were written over the years back when he and I were teenagers and in love. My Mom knew everything about you, she said. That stopped me in my tracks. I was not expecting to hear that. Dad’s eyes always lit up when your name was brought up. My face must have turned a different shade because I immediately felt my heart sink into my stomach. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing at the moment. Why on earth would my name had been brought up. It was years since we were together at the time. I cannot imagine how that must have made her feel. Obviously if she knew about me there was some connection that was revealed. This is getting stranger to me. She went on and on about their life and how much she wished she had a better relationship with her father. She estranged herself from her family and their values when she decided to go stay in New York after she graduated college. The distance between them started when she lost her mother. It kind of made sense to me a little at this point, however, I decided to just let it be and not ask too many questions. I had the opportunity to ask at this point but decided not to once again. It’s fear within me that is holding me back. It’s like I am afraid to know the answer to that. I just needed to know one answer to one question that I had burning within me. I just blurted it out. How did you find me? I asked. The silence was strong and the energy in the room went bleak. I was able to tell she was looking for the right words, but I was also able to tell there were no right words. I sat there speechless until I received the answer I wasn’t exactly ready for. I knew about you all along. My Dad sent me pictures of you and the kids. I think she was able to tell by my expression that this was just too much at once. We parted after that and I wasn’t quite sure when I’d see her again.

My drive home was filled with questions to myself that I had absolutely no answers to. I decided to play a little calming music and just focus on the scenery. I didn’t want to get into the over thinking part of myself and decided it’s best to not reach out to her and see if she calls me moving forward. Why. Why has he never mentioned her. Here we go again. The hamster that just keeps spinning! I don’t understand. If he kept this a secret then what on earth is there that I also do not know. I need to let this go. I need to just be thankful for the box filled with memories and move on. We went our separate ways yesterday for a reason. We have each others phone numbers and thats it. Something tells me that it won’t be the last I see or hear from her though. I just have that feeling sitting right in my gut. There has to be more to this.

The sun was shining bright. Although it was brisk out it was a perfect day to get some outdoor chores done and maybe even take a walk down to the lake. The snowfall from a few days ago was still beautiful and the perfect amount on the ground to admire it’s beauty as it glistened in the sun. I’m still not used to being alone and I need to be patient with myself. This is the first Sunday morning that we are not outside having our coffee together on the porch before taking our morning walk. The last twenty-five years were a gift. I will not take that for granted and I know that what will be in the future will be. I just need to learn how to do it alone. I re-connected with my soul mate. I just wish he didn’t have to leave. We had so much more life to live together. He was definitely taken too soon and left a hole in my heart that will take time to fill. It’s time to fill that void for myself. Eventually I will figure out what life looks like for me and the future. Right now I promised myself and the kids I’d take one day at a time and heal. It was the kind of healing that will show me what I am capable of and just how strong I truly am. This time I am healing through a part of my life where I am truly alone. Our children are grown and it’s left for me to find my way.

Sunday dinner looks promising. I’ll have all of my children here and grands as well. It was also the first Sunday where we’d be gathering without him. It will be tough for everyone, for sure. Life will surely move on and the memories he left us with with remain in our hearts forever. They say that all the memories that we endure are proof that love existed. It’s those memories that we must hold on to in order to keep us going. I know he will be guiding us, always. For now, dinner needed to get started and I needed to get some wood from out back. I heard some rumbling out there as I was approaching the back porch. I looked out the window and saw not one coyote, but two. They were playfully running around the yard and I had a feeling they were doing this to gain my attention. I took a breath and looked up, Vishnu! Vishnu has never come with any other being, it was always just him. He came along with a friend this time and wanted me to know that I had not one guide guiding me through life, I now have two. I was left with peace and comfort this morning knowing that life will be okay and one day it will be more than okay. Once I find myself and heal my new journey will begin. Life is strange. One moment we are in just that, a moment. It can all change. We must make our moments ones in which we can look back with gratitude and love as that will be our guiding light.

Until next time…

Love & Light, Always!

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